When your child knows where you stand, they’re more likely to take responsibility for their choices and step into adulthood with more intention. Watching your adult child struggle with money can be difficult and emotional as a parent. You may want to step in and rescue them from their financial problems, whether covering their bills, offering them a loan, or even giving them a place to stay. But it’s important to remember that too much help can hinder their ability to become financially independent. In 2015, I published a blog on Sixty and Me about supporting adult children, Letting Go, and the Art of Parenting Adult Children. In it I shared, “I am hoping to be a grandma one day soon….” Then, in 2020, my wish came true, and I wrote Don’t Miss Out on the Gift of Grandparenting.
- Regularly check in with your adult child to assess their progress and adjust your support strategies accordingly.
- If they’re living with you, consider asking for contributions to household expenses, either financially or through chores.
- Encourage them to seek other resources, such as budgeting help, financial planning services, or job opportunities.
- One of the most empowering things you can do as a parent is clearly define what you will and will not do.
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I watch as the box slowly dissolves and disappears.” I think I will try that too. This approach helps your child develop critical thinking skills and learn to trust their own judgment. It also prevents you from feeling the burden of having to come up with all the answers. Adult children need to make their own choices, even if parents disagree with them.
As your children grow into adulthood, they face new challenges that require different types of support. These challenges might include career struggles, relationship issues, financial difficulties, or mental health concerns; as well as substance abuse. While it is natural to want to provide help, adult children are typically at a stage where they need to develop their own coping skills, decision-making abilities, and resilience. We will discuss the challenges that adult children face, how to recognize enabling behaviors, and practical strategies to support your child Support for Adult Children without doing it for them. This balance is essential for both your child’s growth and your own peace of mind.
This allows both you and your child to thrive as individuals, rather than as co-dependent parties. While it’s tempting to provide financial assistance when your adult child is struggling, giving money or paying bills repeatedly may reinforce dependence. Set specific conditions—such as a timeline or requirements for the assistance—and stick to them. Encourage them to seek other resources, such as budgeting help, financial planning services, or job opportunities. If at all possible, avoid dipping into those funds to support your adult children.
Smart Ways to Support Your Adult Child Without Enabling Bad Habits
- She called her mother, Carla, in tears because her bank account was overdrawn, and she had overdue rent and utility bills piling up.
- Let them know that while you’re always there to cheer them on, you won’t be stepping in to solve every problem.
- On airplanes, flight attendants instruct you to put on your own oxygen mask first, so you can take care of those dependent on you for help.
- For me, it’s one of those things I have to acknowledge, then consciously set aside.
- You may be doing this out of love, guilt, fear for their well-being, or being bullied into it; but the effect of enabling is often negative.
If that window’s closed and your kid is a full-fledged adult already enjoying mobile phone and streaming services, rent and health insurance subsidies, enlist a financial adviser, experts said. Our content does not constitute a medical or psychological consultation. See a certified medical or mental health professional for diagnosis. Ellen Diamond, a psychology graduate from the University of Hertfordshire, has a keen interest in the fields of mental health, wellness, and lifestyle. Through this process, Nathan began to understand the consequences of his overspending and started making more thoughtful financial decisions.
This adult child began to feel part of a potential new community. She subsequently saw a recruiter and joined the army with a focus on training for a cybersecurity career. There is so much being written about generational trauma, passed down from parent to child. As we reflect on the traumas we inherited from our parents, we most likely attempt to do things differently with our children. But by the time grandchildren show up, we realize that was not so easy and can find ourselves feeling helpless and guilty. Ultimately, as a parent, your goal is to guide your adult child toward self-sufficiency, emotional maturity, and resilience.
Helping Your Adult Child With Finances Without Enabling
These programmes offer a supportive, semi-independent setting where young adults can learn essential skills like budgeting, cooking, job readiness, and emotional regulation. They’re invaluable for those who’ve faced mental health challenges, housing instability, or difficulty adapting to adult responsibilities. Boundaries are seen as barriers, but they’re actually bridges to healthier relationships.
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Mentors, whether found in professional networks, community organizations, or through personal connections, can offer valuable guidance and support. “Chosen family” – close friends who provide emotional support and a sense of belonging – can also fill the gap. Professional networks can offer career advice and opportunities for growth, while community elders or spiritual leaders can provide wisdom and perspective. For parents, adapting to this new phase requires a delicate balance. Respecting boundaries, actively listening, and acknowledging their adult child’s autonomy fosters a healthy dynamic. Open communication, where both parties feel comfortable expressing their needs and expectations, is essential for navigating this evolving relationship.
It’s natural for parents to want to step in and smooth the way for their children. However, doing so can sometimes hinder their growth and independence. The key lies in finding the right balance – offering support when needed while allowing adult children to navigate their own path and learn from their experiences.
Scenario 1: Ava’s Job Loss and Overdue Bills
I stay downstairs for the most part and I am very active so this has been working out. The best thing we can do is keep our advice to ourselves unless asked for it. Identifying areas where support is needed, reaching out to trusted individuals, and being open to learning from diverse perspectives are essential steps. Building a network of support takes time and effort, but the rewards are immeasurable. Becki Cohn-Vargas, Ed.D, has been blogging regularly for Sixty and Me since 2015.
Be a good role model
Constant unsolicited advice can be overwhelming and undermine an adult child’s confidence. Made Up Mind content should never be mistaken as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Information published to this website or by this brand is not a replacement for medical advice. Please consult qualified health or mental wellness professionals with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your mental health. “Financial support from grandparents isn’t a trend ‒ it’s a fundamental part of how American families operate,” wrote Ryan Malloy, managing editor of TheSeniorList.com.
Caring for your physical, emotional, and mental health enables you to be a more present and supportive parent, without feeling overwhelmed. However, many parents continue to see their children through the lens of their childhood, expecting them to be the same person who once needed their constant guidance. The reality, though, is that adults, even those in their 20s or 30s, are in a process of continuing to learn, evolve, and mature. It is crucial for parents to understand that offering support is not the same as enabling, and it’s important to distinguish between helping your child and doing the work for them. As parents, we all want to help our children—whether they are toddlers, teenagers, or adults.